Checking in

I'm sorry my blog posting has slowed to a trickle! Here's what's going on here...

- I can't remember if I posted about it on here, but I recently joined a team of three girls who took over the children's ministry at church. It is going fine and means just a bit more work each week than usual. Team leading has its benefits (less work for everyone) and its drawbacks (things slip through the cracks when each person thinks one of the others is going to take care of it and/or sometimes one person seems to do more than the others).
- I'm still working one day a week at the graphic design studio in Long Beach (Vision Design Studio) and also from home. It's still going well and I enjoy it. I'm not really a proofreader anymore (though I do help with that sometimes); now I'm a "special projects coordinator." I help coordinate one of the big ongoing projects (i.e., as soon as the June project finishes up, we have to start preparing for the September project, then December, then March) our company does for our biggest client. I like it.
- The children are all doing well at school. I think Nate is fitting in better in class now that he has been there a while (it's the same class, same teacher as last year). Lucy loves 1st grade. Levi is having the kinds of adjustments you would expect from a child starting school for the first time--figuring out how to get along with new children, how to deal with kids who are sometimes mean, etc. It's all going very well, though.
- We are going to Virginia for Christmas. Yay for solidified plans! :)

Now we're off to AWANA!

Mothering in the moment

I have been reminding myself that these years are short with the children at home... that I will regret hours spent ignoring or "shooshing" them. With two weeks of summer left, I am imagining what it will be like in two years, when all of them will be heading to school and I will wonder if I did enough with my time with them. Will they remember their earliest years with fondness? Or will they remember the yelling, impatient mother I sometimes (often?) am? I won't be able to get these years--or my children as their youngest selves--back. Oh how I want to be the best mother I can be for them--sometimes despite myself!

Proud

In preparation for some family pictures today, I wanted to try to make a necklace similar to the adorable Allora Handmade rosette ones. Amy has a green one and let me borrow it so I could copy it.

I followed what I could tell from this necklace that I hadn't done with rosettes before: fold and iron the first part of your strip like it's bias binding and don't start twisting the fabric at first. Just make a super tight "snail." I really like how mine turned out!

I bought this lace trim a couple of weeks ago at a craft fair I went to with Colleen. This was the perfect use for it! Here's a side-by-side comparison of the necklaces. Mine isn't perfect, but I love it for a first try:

Yay!

In which I have a pity party

I thought I would never get too busy to blog. Alas, it has happened! Things with homeschooling, preschooling, working, housekeeping, laundry doing, cooking, and ministry participating have seemed to take over. I told Mama the other day that, in these past few weeks, I get literally 0 minutes to myself each day. Nap time, which used to be reserved for some relaxing, has been completely filled with editing work. Evenings after the children go to bed are now for homeschool prep for the next day, lunch packing, and more proofing work.

However, today I finished a huge editing project that work threw my way (30 hours of work!), and now I feel like a new woman. I actually relaxed for a bit during nap time today and even did a little crafting.

My boss knows they've been giving me too much work lately, and she and I have talked about it. They just hired another full-time, in-house proofreader (they already have one), so that will take a lot of the burden off of me. My boss also asked if I would transition to mostly working on special projects with her (yes!), which will also ease some of the day-to-day stress.

Edited to add pictures of today's crafting completion:

Fruit of the Spirit project

In our "first full day at home" on Wednesday, the kids and I started this project, inspired by Casey.

While the kids colored these sheets, we read Galatians 5:22-26 a few times. Then they colored in the tree I drew while we listened to this song.



We picked a lemon for the first fruit and talked about what it means to love. How do we show love to one another? The kids' suggestions were cute. Lucy said, "When Nate or Levi gets hurt, when I go to the freezer and get an ice pack for them." Levi said, "I say I love you to Nate and Lucy." Nate suggested sharing toys and giving hugs. Then, throughout the day, I pointed out the times the kids were showing love to each other--and I even saw a few instances that wouldn't have happened if we hadn't been talking about it (e.g., at the park, Levi wanted the lower swing that Nate was on, and Nate, looking to make sure I was watching, got off and gave it to him--definitely a rare occurrence).

In response to the fighting among the kids and ungratefulness toward me, I thought this project would be a good summer focus for us. And as much as the kids need it, I probably need it more. In my own reading Wednesday, I read the verses that precede the fruit of the Spirit verses, where the "works of the flesh" include "outbursts of anger" (5:20). And man, have I really been letting that rule my life lately. I have not been practicing self-control or gentleness (hello, two fruits of the Spirit) at all. I really don't want to be a yeller. I don't want the children to get used to me treating them this way. I look at old videos from when Nate was small and Lucy was just born, and I was so patient. What happened? I know that motherhood stress and busyness and whatnot have taken their toll, but really, it comes down to whether or not I'm walking in the Spirit. When I am continually renewing my spirit by fellowshipping with the Lord and reading the Word, that's when I'm "in the light" and can avoid "carry[ing] out the desires of the flesh." When I rely on my own strength, I fail. So this summer project, like I said, is as much (or more) for me as it is for the children.

Today we will talk about joy. Anyone know a fruit that starts with J?

Today

Today has been a bad mothering day... yelling and unwise words in response to Lucy's awful behavior. So I'm remembering this from yesterday:



Apparently, it's me. I asked Lucy why I look so sad in the picture, and she said, "You're crying because it's your birthday!" I thought, at first, she had some deep understanding of how adults don't want to get older. But then she said, "Remember, you cried on your birthday?" She was remembering my surprise party when I cried at seeing Daddy, Mama, Greg, and Lucy here. Love it.

Something I've been trying to ignore: Hospitality toward those who need it most

I'm not a naturally hospitable person. I like to be alone. I don't like inviting extra work. But the Lord has been showing me in quite overt ways that I need to fix my attitude in this area.

Our neighbors one building down have one son, who is Levi's age. From what I can tell, they don't have many/any friends, and they are a bit... strange. The dad, who is really nice (and talkative), has a long beard and long hair and at one point had his truck covered in at least 100 bumper stickers (he took many off; there are probably a dozen now). The mom is a high school teacher, and she is just kind of weird. She says whatever is on her mind--often something rude. She walks onto our front patio and even into our house uninvited and lets her son do the same. Whenever she sees that the kids and I have come out to go on a walk, get the mail, or ride bikes, they come out too. I have a very hard time liking this woman and find myself ducking my head or hurrying inside to avoid her.

But the thing is... I know she is just lonely. I know she is not a believer. I know how I should act toward her--but I just don't want to. That is my fault.

This post hits the nail on the head. God is pointedly showing me someone who needs love and attention--things that I can give. I really don't want to give them, but that is no excuse!

Writing all of this out is a way to hold myself accountable: now I have to be intentional toward this girl. First on the list: inviting them to dinner. I'll let you know how it goes.

Addressing an addiction

Over the weekend, on a wonderful women's retreat, Casey and I talked about our use (and overuse) of technology--computers, blog reading, emailing, TV watching, etc. I am guilty of using the computer way too much, so often for frivolous and meaningless things. I really don't need to read all those sewing and craft blogs. I really don't need to answer emails within an hour of receiving them. Probably 90% of my computer time is wasted time.

So now I'm making a conscious effort to limit my time on the computer. People will just get used to waiting all day to receive emails from me. I am going to stop reading almost all of the blogs I usually frequent. Goodbye, Young House Love; I don't really need you. I am going to keep the TV off when Lucy and Levi are home in the mornings.

I will never look back on my life and say, "I wish I'd spent more time on the computer." But I know I might look back and say, "I wish I'd spent more time just playing with the kids."

I'll still post on the blog--don't you worry, Nannie and Mama--because I do find this blog meaningful to my family and to me. But I'm saying goodbye to meaningless, wasted time!

What I've learned

Inspired by this post, I am going to write an actual post!

I should start by saying that the biggest thing I've learned in the past few years is that I know way less than I thought I knew. Thinking I know it all is a sign of blind pride, and nothing has taught me that truth more than motherhood!

But I guess I have learned a few things worth sharing with others, so here I go.

On parenting
Let go of expectations about how your children will turn out--as babies, as young kids, and beyond. Enjoy who they are and try not to compare them to other children.

Give grace to other moms who are trying to do right or who are obviously having a bad day. I had a big list of "I will nevers" before I had kids. (I will never let my children do x in the middle of a store. I will never let my children talk to me in x sort of way. Insert your "I will never" here.) Then I had kids. And I learned that, in those situations where I feel I must give in on something, I certainly don't want to be judged. I appreciate a sympathetic smile, though.

On having a child with autism
Some may consider this a negative trial, but going through it, mourning the loss of what I thought mothering was going to be like the first time around, I learned much about letting go of expectations and embracing the beauty of what the Lord has given me.

But you do mourn the loss of your "blissful mothering experience," and you mourn for your child's lost childhood. It's hard seeing others' neurotypical children who just "get it." Their moms don't have to teach them how to talk or communicate; they just get it. Their moms can go to parks and playdates and fun stuff, all while you're taking your child to therapy.

Doing something to try to help your child is far better than sitting around wallowing. Read. Research. Talk to others. And, please, try the GFCFSF diet.

On marriage
Just as I rest in the security of my husband's love, he rests in the security of my respect. It doesn't make sense to the female brain, but it works. For me, practically, this means never speaking negatively about him to our children or to my friends. It means telling him and showing him how much I respect and appreciate how hard he works to provide for our family. It means remembering that he is not another one of my children, so I should not speak to him as if he were one.

When you want your husband to do something, just ask. Spell it out. None of this passive-aggressive stuff, expecting him to "just know" what you want without having to tell him. Chances are, he wants to please you but just needs some direction, because what you wanted yesterday is different from what you want today.

The new me

I've been wearing my glasses more often lately, because my contacts have been bothering me (I think it's allergy-related) and because it's just easier/quicker to put on glasses in the morning. I've had the same glasses since college, but yesterday I picked up a new pair. I'm still getting used to how dark and noticeable they are, but I like them!

Winter blues

I've been feeling extra stressed and tired each day around 5:00-7:00 p.m. (dinner prep, dinner, and post-dinner). Today I realized it's because I really really don't like winter. I know I'm in California and don't have a right to complain about the weather. But the time change I think is what affects me the most. I hate that it's dark by 5:30, when the kids seem to be their wildest and can't go outside to run off some energy. I try to make dinner but constantly have to referee and discipline for disobeying house rules (e.g., no running in the house). I often don't stop what I'm doing to discipline properly but yell instead. Ug. I hate that. Winter winter, go away!

Posting from work

I thought I'd write a quick update on my working-on-Mondays schedule. I'm sitting at my Monday desk in Long Beach right now. I think it's my fifth Monday coming in, and I love it. Jennifer does a great job caring for the kids, so I come home to a happy household. I've been getting home between 4:00 and 5:00, so I have time to make dinner and do normal evening stuff. I'm enjoying the work here, and the projects are small and quick so that I never feel stressed or have to leave something unfinished.

Perspective

Yesterday, Jon took the kids swimming for a couple of hours. (He is wonderful and brave, but not crazy: his parents went too.) I had the house to myself, and I put on some music, picked up toys, vacuumed, washed dishes, did some editing work--it was heavenly. It's funny how your perspective can change over the years. Before having children, I would have slightly (or more than slightly) resented the housework, the duties. But now, if I get to do those things in an empty house, it's like my greatest wish has come true.

What has changed? The work is still the same. So I guess I've changed, and so has my life. Things are way crazier and way less about me. That's a good thing!

Funk

Ug. Sometimes I just get in a blogging funk and don't have anything to write about. I'm feeling a little busy and out of sync getting used to the new routine of school/Levi's therapy/weekly obligations. Oh, but I did have my first "Monday work day" this week, and it went well. The kids love Jennifer, so it's easy to have her over and not think a second thought while she's caring for them.

Here's Lucy last night. She was doing some sort of snow-angel dance on the kitchen floor.

Sewing night

I'm leading a "sewing basics night" for MOPS tonight, and I'm excited! It feels silly that I'm doing this, since I'm not a professional by any means. But I do think it's going to be a lot of fun, and the ladies will learn a couple of easy techniques they can use at home.

Dresses for me

I finished this dress a few weeks ago and, although it isn't perfect, I like that it's for me! It's from a free pattern from BurdaStyle, and I was happy to use up some extra yardage left over from my quilt.



I also finished my first made-from-a-real-pattern dress for me. (I've used patterns before, but only for Lucy.) It also isn't perfect (I should have altered the darts along the back of the skirt, and the sleeves are a tiny bit too big), but I love it. I wore it on Sunday and no one knew I'd made it--and isn't that a good sign? The fabric is Anna Griffin's. I think she might be my favorite fabric designer. Almost every fabric I see and think, "I really love that one!" ends up being hers.

Picture courtesy of Lucy!

Books!

These arrived today (bought with some Barnes & Noble gift cards--thanks Lucy and Greg!). I can't wait to sit down tonight and decide which one I'm going to read first. New fiction!--I'm in heaven.

Time to retreat

Our church's women's retreat is this weekend. I have gone for 5 or 6 years now, sometimes taking a baby along, too (Nate when he was 10 months, Lucy when she was 6 months). Taking the baby prevents it from being a true retreat, but it's still fun. Levi is 10 months old right now--still nursing and "needing" me like a baby does--but my wonderful husband is keeping all the kids, including Levi, at home this weekend so I can enjoy the retreat alone. If you think of it, would you please pray that Levi is extra good for Jon and that he takes the bottle? :)

So much to do

I'm doing laundry, groceries, list-writing, bills, organizing, and packing in preparation for my little trip on Wednesday. Oh, and praying Levi travels well! :)

So excited!

Over the weekend, a crazy plan was hashed out and actually came to fruition. . . In 9 days, Levi and I are flying to Florida for two and a half days with my mom and two of her friends! Jon thought that was an awfully long way to travel for just two days of "vacation," but I will only have one child with me. I'm thinking the travel days will almost be a break. :) Three friends are watching Nate and Lucy during the day on the three business days I'll be gone. I'm so excited!