The benefit of appeal

One of my favorite parenting concepts out of Shepherding a Child's Heart is the idea of appeal. The idea isn't new, but I credit the book with giving it to me. Anyway, the gist is that children are to obey the first time, without delay. However, while a child is in the process of obeying, he/she may make an appeal for the parent to change his/her mind. If at all possible, the parent should say yes to the child's request. If the parent's answer still is no (often accompanied by an explanation), the child should still continue obeying without complaint. (All easier said than done, of course.)

Nate has just begun to understand and implement this concept, and it certainly has done wonders to erase whining and to make him feel like his voice is heard. The light bulb moment for him was with his video game. When the timer went off and/or I told him time was up, he would whine and complain. Then I explained to him that, if he stops playing immediately and is on his way to turn off the system, he may ask for more time. I also explained that sometimes I would be able to say yes, and sometimes I would still say no; either way, he must not complain. It took a few days of reminders from me, but now Nate totally gets it and has also been very successful in continuing to obey even when I say no. I now delight in purposely setting the timer to a shorter time so I can gift him with an extended few minutes when he makes a proper appeal. (I do that every few days so he won't come to expect the extended time each day.)

Small successes in parenting are so sweet, especially when they accompany a very difficult week with a 3 year old.