What I've learned

Inspired by this post, I am going to write an actual post!

I should start by saying that the biggest thing I've learned in the past few years is that I know way less than I thought I knew. Thinking I know it all is a sign of blind pride, and nothing has taught me that truth more than motherhood!

But I guess I have learned a few things worth sharing with others, so here I go.

On parenting
Let go of expectations about how your children will turn out--as babies, as young kids, and beyond. Enjoy who they are and try not to compare them to other children.

Give grace to other moms who are trying to do right or who are obviously having a bad day. I had a big list of "I will nevers" before I had kids. (I will never let my children do x in the middle of a store. I will never let my children talk to me in x sort of way. Insert your "I will never" here.) Then I had kids. And I learned that, in those situations where I feel I must give in on something, I certainly don't want to be judged. I appreciate a sympathetic smile, though.

On having a child with autism
Some may consider this a negative trial, but going through it, mourning the loss of what I thought mothering was going to be like the first time around, I learned much about letting go of expectations and embracing the beauty of what the Lord has given me.

But you do mourn the loss of your "blissful mothering experience," and you mourn for your child's lost childhood. It's hard seeing others' neurotypical children who just "get it." Their moms don't have to teach them how to talk or communicate; they just get it. Their moms can go to parks and playdates and fun stuff, all while you're taking your child to therapy.

Doing something to try to help your child is far better than sitting around wallowing. Read. Research. Talk to others. And, please, try the GFCFSF diet.

On marriage
Just as I rest in the security of my husband's love, he rests in the security of my respect. It doesn't make sense to the female brain, but it works. For me, practically, this means never speaking negatively about him to our children or to my friends. It means telling him and showing him how much I respect and appreciate how hard he works to provide for our family. It means remembering that he is not another one of my children, so I should not speak to him as if he were one.

When you want your husband to do something, just ask. Spell it out. None of this passive-aggressive stuff, expecting him to "just know" what you want without having to tell him. Chances are, he wants to please you but just needs some direction, because what you wanted yesterday is different from what you want today.