Pics

We've definitely been missing my mom since she left a week ago. Here are some pictures for you, Mama, and one picture of the bathroom too! :)

Vaccines: some things I've been learning

There are those in the autism community who believe certain vaccines like the MMR caused their children's autism. I am not one of those. Nate's was not a regressive case, where he was "fine" and then, one day soon after a shot, lost skills, language, etc. Looking back, we can see signs all along in Nate's development. However, I agree with the experts (like in the book I'm currently reading, Changing the Course of Autism: A Scientific Approach for Parents and Physicians) who posit that autism is not merely a genetic disorder, but a disorder perhaps involving some genetic predispositions (in the brain? gut?) that are triggered by environmental factors that affect the gut, brain, and other areas of the body. One of those environmental triggers might be some of the ingredients in vaccines.

Some studies have found that children with autism are unable to process certain metals, like mercury and/or other vaccine ingredients, properly. Their bodies hold onto these materials, sometimes to toxic levels, which can then manifest in "autistic" behaviors. I'm being as careful as possible with Lucy's vaccinations since 1) autism tends to run in families and she may also have those "genetic predispositions" and 2) I've been finding out what's in these vaccines (a lot of junk, including aluminum, formaldehyde, and human tissue!).

Lucy got her first shot, the Hib (prevents Haemophilus influenzae type b bacteria, which causes bacterial meningitis, pneumonia, and other infections) at five months. Babies' immune systems often aren't ready for shots by two months, so we gave Lucy's body more time to develop. I'm getting her vaccinations one at a time (more spread out), so she only gets one shot at each doctor's visit, as opposed to the four or more that is standard protocol*. Also, she won't get the combination shots like the MMR; instead she'll get separate measles, separate mumps, and separate rubella shots. Here's how I plan to do all of her shots (probably not exactly to this schedule, but in this order and not any sooner than the ages listed):

5 months: Hib
6 months: DTaP
7 months: second series of Hib, IPV (Polio)
8 months: DTaP
9 months: third series of Hib, IPV
10 months: DTaP
15 months: measles
17 months: fourth series of Hib, IPV
27 months: rubella
39 months: mumps**
4-5 years: boosters for the measles, rubella, and mumps** shots (if possible, though, you can check for "titers" before giving boosters and may not need to give the boosters at all)
4 years: Hepatitis B

I haven't listed the chicken pox (varicella/varivax) vaccine because I may not get it for the children at all. I may file exemptions for both Nate and Lucy for some shots. Several states, including California, allow parents to file "philosophical exemptions." This way, they can still attend any school. FYI, California's school immunization record form has space on the back for a "personal beliefs" exemption request.

The book I've gotten most of my information from is What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Children's Vaccinations by Stephanie Cave. I like that the author, a doctor, isn't completely anti-vaccine; she just gives a fuller picture about what's in each vaccine, possible side effects, how best to protect our children, etc.

* More information on why I'm spreading Lucy's vaccinations out and only getting one at a time: "Marcel Kinsbourne, M.D., a pediatric neurologist and research professor at the Center for Cognitive Studies at Tufts University, expressed his concerns about multiple dosing to the House Committee on Government Reform when he was asked to speak on the subject of vaccine safety. Dr. Kinsbourne told his audience that 'when several vaccines are given at the same time, they may have adverse effects that none of the individual vaccines have when they are given by themselves....' In addition to the added assault on the immune system when more than one vaccine is given, injecting several vaccines makes it virtually impossible to know which one is responsible for any adverse reactions that may occur" (Cave, 2001, pp. 33-34).

** I keep thinking of more stuff to add! Lucy might not get the mumps shots at all. The major threat of the mumps disease is male sterility. (In addition, the rubella disease is rather mild except in cases where a pregnant woman contracts it; it can kill the baby. So girls don't need the mumps vaccine as much as boys do, and boys don't need the rubella vaccine as much as girls do.)

Edited to add: The book I'm currently reading presents evidence that the main issue with the MMR is the measles portion, and even separated out, the measles vaccine has caused problems.

Update January 2008: I have since decided not to get any vaccinations for Lucy. She has gotten the Hib (once at 5 months and once at 9 months), so I will probably get the other two rounds of that shot for her, but nothing else right now.

Fun week

We've been having such a good week with Mama here! I have "helped" ("Yes, that looks straight") as she wallpapered our guest bathroom, and it looks amazing. I'll take a picture tonight after we put up the mirror and light fixture. She also spoke at our MOPS this morning and did a terrific job. Since Nate got his cast off yesterday (YAY!!), we will probably take the kids to the Spectrum this afternoon so he can run in the fountains.

I've been putting together a post on vaccines and hope to get it done soon.

Nate saying "thumbs up!"


More fun pictures:

Visit

Speaking of house guests, my mom is coming tomorrow! She'll be here until Friday, and I am so excited. I told Nate today that Mimi is coming over tomorrow after church, and though he probably doesn't get the "tomorrow" thing, he has been saying "Mimi" randomly throughout the day. (He says it correctly now. And speaking of that, he is saying more and more every single day, including correctly pronouncing words he has thought he was saying correctly for weeks or months.)

My cousin, Hallie, posted some devastating information about what's in some of the vaccines we give our kids. I've been thinking about posting some of what I've been learning about vaccines, so I'll try to put something together soon.

Motivation

I love having guests to the house because it's my best motivation to do a good house cleaning. We're hosting a dinner tonight, so I've swept, mopped, dusted, cleaned bathrooms, and tidied our junk piles (kitchen counter and computer desk). I like having the house picked up and clean all of the time, but things do pile up. I'd love to be the mom who can keep a pristine house and play with her children too, but if it comes down to either or, I choose to be the mom whose house sometimes shows evidence that she just spent time with the kids that day!

Exersaucer

Nate at around 5 months and Lucy today (she'll be 6 months next week):

Explosion

Nate must be in the middle of a language explosion. He is saying so many more things just in the past week, including the actual words for yes, no, on, off, hi, and bye. He also started saying Daddy instead of Dada. It is so fun!

Oh no!

We woke up today to two sick children. I'd been thinking Lucy might be getting a cold for a couple of days, only because she had been sneezing. I was right, and Nate woke up with the same thing. At least they're only colds.

Progress

I feel like it's time for another inventory of all the progress Nate is making.

- He started saying bye bye (not just waving) about a month ago, and just in the past couple of days has started saying hi. (Both at appropriate times.) He pronounces "hi" very well, and then sometimes he is overzealous and it sounds like a karate chop "hi-ya!"
- A couple of weeks ago, Jon and I realized that Nate has stopped making his "signature" grunting noise--a loud, annoying noise he made when he was frustrated or not getting his way and that would get worse if we told him to stop. As he acquires more ways to communicate, he doesn't need that frustration noise anymore.
- In the past several days, he has started to put two words together (sporadically): bye bye Mama, bye bye snack (this afternoon), hi Dada, and all done (though I'm sure he thinks of "all done" as one word).
- He can jump really well (no more head-banger bouncing!), and it's cute too.
- He is sleeping so well--not waking at night and not crying in the morning. Months ago, he slept fine most nights, but at least one or two nights a week would involve waking and crying in the middle of the night. Also, he usually makes noise when he first wakes up in the morning now. He used to just sit/lie there in his crib for up to an hour just sort of waiting.
- He is eating a tiny bit better. He ate several blueberries for me at several meals this past week, though he refused the other new foods I tried to give. Food is just one of those battles that's really hard to win as a parent, since I am physically unable to make him eat something.

-This isn't necessarily progress, just a positive thing I'm always happy about: Nate is always gentle with others, especially children (and Lucy). I really love his gentle spirit. It's nice not to have to worry or interfere/referee if he is around other kids.

I'm sure there are more things, but it's time to get going to AWANA--the first night of the fall!

Good job, Nate!

Funny event this afternoon:

Couch

Here's a dimly lit picture of our new couch. It's a chocolate brown color, and the fabric is microsuede (very soft). It also has a sleeper. I like it!

The ottoman is new, too (ebay).

Weekend pics

Lucy on our new couch

The guys on the old one

A favorite time of day

That first hour after nap time is always so happy! Nate and I have gotten into the routine of reading several books together after he gets up. This works well because Lucy is usually still asleep; by the time we're done, she's often awake, so we go down together and say hi to her. I love this video.

Lucy - 5 months

Lucy is over five months old already! She has a fun personality and a very sweet disposition. She smiles a lot at Nate, and although he doesn't really get that, he still enjoys kissing her. She usually transitions from fully asleep straight to big smile. She still can roll from her stomach to her back and has almost rolled back to stomach but isn't quite there. She started chewing on her toes this past week. She usually catnaps in the morning since we are often out doing things or at therapy, and she takes a long afternoon nap around 12:30 or 1:00. She often still needs an evening catnap but doesn't easily go to sleep on her own at that time, so sometimes she's fussy. She doesn't laugh a big laugh like Nate did at this age; she does more of a cough-laugh, which is so cute. If she's smiling big, she opens her mouth really wide and gets a sparkle in her eye. She almost never spits up now (that change happened around 6 weeks to 2 months ago).

I think the rice cereal is upsetting Lucy's stomach a little bit, because she has woken up crying a few times during naps and also was awake six or seven times last night. (I'm tired!) I'm going to stop doing the cereal for a few weeks and then try again; I might just end up doing what I did with Nate, which is skip the cereal and go straight to baby food.

Bummer

I took Nate to get his cast off today! But, after an hour in the waiting room (and therefore a falling-to-pieces child), they took off his cast, took x-rays, and decided his bones aren't healed. They put on a new cast, but at least this one is under his elbow... and at least it doesn't smell (yet)! The entire ordeal was tiring but not too traumatic (even with the saw/vacuum thing they use to take off casts). I'm disappointed that we have another three weeks of no swimming, more difficult park-going, and no fountains at the Spectrum, but I want his arm to heal correctly, so that's OK!

Quick

The Zyme Prime arrived two days ago, so Nate is getting back to normal. It's nice to know what we're doing is having some effect!

Today in my parent meeting at Cornerstone, the head ABA therapist mentioned specifically that Nate is doing really well. He's interacting well, took turns well today, and is vocalizing a lot. :)

Revelation

I ordered more enzymes for Nate last week, as I have done several times, and they were set to arrive just before I ran out of the ones I had. The package came with only Peptizyde (not Zyme Prime) and a notification that Zyme Prime is backordered. I was out of Zyme Prime. I gave him just Peptizyde for a day or so until I could go to the local natural foods store and find a substitute "broad spectrum" enzyme to use until the ZP got here. The substitute I found has a much lower concentration of the various enzymes, but apparently a much worse taste (Nate takes it but then rubs his tongue to try to get the taste off), so I'm not even giving him a full capsule. Because of the low concentration of this replacement enzyme blend, I'm thinking it might be just above giving him nothing. Anyway, for the past three days or so, Nate has been very whiny and also very stimmy (turning in circles/spinning and doing lots of tip-toe walking, both things he hasn't done in months). It's a very obvious change. So, I guess it's nice to know the enzymes are really working well, but it's also really frustrating having the ZP backordered and not knowing when we'll get it. If it's going to be more than a couple more days, I need to go back to the store and find a better (more expensive, higher concentration) replacement.

Fun with Lulu

My sister helped me give Lucy her first rice cereal on Friday evening... She wasn't quite sure what to think!

Woowoo

My sister is here for the weekend! Nate saw her this morning and gave her a hug. He is calling her Woowoo (Lulu). :)

The motherhood club

I used to think that motherhood was like a club; once you had children, other mothers would exchange a knowing nod and smile, a sort of "Isn't this cool?" What I find generally in the real world, though, is an air of judgment. Even though that mother's child was probably screaming in the store last week (or thirty years ago), she still tsks at the other poor woman who is just trying to buy some groceries and keep her children quiet for five more minutes. Where is the mercy, the grace? The help?

Sometimes I catch myself wanting to look and seem put together, like I have it all figured out. But that is just so far from the truth! What I genuinely want, though, is to be transparent, for other mothers to see that I struggle too and ultimately need to rely on God.

Amy Scott posted some great thoughts recently:

Motherhood is not a competition but a calling. We are too needful of one another to be so short-suffering. Sometimes we concentrate on small things and miss the greater thing; sometimes we think a perfect method is a good substitute for genuine love.

Now that I'm also a mother of a child with autism, I believe that God has put this circumstance in my life so that I can learn from it and encourage and help other moms in similar situations. Mothering any child is a challenge, and I believe mothering a child with autism has some particular challenges that perhaps other moms don't understand. I've been praying to find (or form) a group of Christian moms with special needs children, because we all could use some judgment-free love!

Rejoice!

We are unpacked! The house is not clean, but we are unpacked. :) Jon worked a lot in the very hot garage over the weekend, and all of our things to store (maternity clothes, toys, etc.) are up on the shelves, so the car is now parked in there. I have a bit more organizing and putting away to do inside, but there isn't too much to do since I tried to do as much of that as possible while I unpacked. The only main decorating type thing I have left on my list is the guest bathroom, which is still lavender. Mama is going to help me wallpaper when she comes at the end of this month. Here's the wallpaper we got (I love it), though I found it for much less on a different website.

I'm off to fold laundry while Lucy naps and Nate is at therapy.

Fun weekend

Nate finally knows what I mean when I tell him to smile for the camera. I love the cheesy grin!


He also likes me to put him in Lucy's crib with her after her naps, and just this week he started thinking it was cool to "hold" her. (Whenever I'd put her on his lap in the past, he didn't like it.)


I had my hair done on Saturday--red again, but this time it's what I wanted.


Nate has a fun daddy.

A bit of bragging

Nate has been amazing us with his computer skills. He loves Starfall, an ABCs website, and now he can pretty much do all of the preschool portion by himself. He needs my help only on some of the memory/matching games. He is just mastering using the mouse this week--with his left hand of course, since his right still has a cast. I am so impressed!



In general, Nate is doing better and better with his communication. No one besides us knows what he is trying to say, but he is at least vocalizing and trying to use noises to express what he wants. I've even taught him to call "Mama" if he wants my help on the computer; he hasn't seemed to generalize that action to other areas (he doesn't call my name for anything else), but that will come.

I've been finding myself praying much more for patience, as I tend to get frustrated that Nate still can't talk--and he gets frustrated too. I have faith that God will give me more than I need.

We are so blessed by our little boy!

Congratulations are in order

Welcome to the world, Ezra Chalmers Hales! Bryce and Ashley welcomed their baby boy last night. I'd been checking their blog religiously waiting for the news, and he's finally here (a week past due)!

Some pictures

I just started giving Lucy baths in the tub instead of the baby bath seat I have for the sink. She had started kicking and splashing a bit too much in the sink (water was just pouring everywhere), so now she can kick as much as she wants!



Here is Nate leaving for "school" (therapy) this morning.

Home improvements

Here are some pictures of what I've been doing in the house lately. I'm almost done with the green in the kitchen. It's kind of a 70s avocado color, but I love it with the white cabinets (and what I hope will eventually be dark grey or black countertops). I'm unsure about the curtains, though (and ignore the pillows on the couch--they don't match). I like the panels but don't know about the valance. At first I put the valance in front of the curtains and didn't like it, but I think I like it a little better behind the panels (even though I know that isn't really the right way to do it). I might take it down completely!--we'll see.

From house to home

Well, I still have about five or six boxes still sitting around, but this week I've been doing the stuff I love--making this place feel like home. Today I've hung quite a few pictures, and I'm also hoping to finish the living room curtains in the next day or two. (I found this really great light blue/brown/tan fabric at the discount fabric place that is going to match our new couch perfectly.)

Here's Lucy enjoying her Bumbo.

Bath time

Nate's reaction to his first bath with a cast: not amused.

Cast

Yesterday at the orthopedist was not nearly as traumatic as it could have been. They didn't need to set the bone, so they just put the cast right on--it was very easy. Nate slept great last night and is his usual self today.

What a day!

Are you like me--do you think little kids who have casts are just so cute but just so sad, and you wonder how those kinds of things happen? Well, wonder no more, because Nate is now one of those children... Nate fell off of a tiny slide in the toddler nursery at church this morning and broke his arm in two places (the radius and the ulna).


We knew it was more than just a typical injury because he cried for more than two minutes, but even then he didn't cry very much (a testament, we think, to his high pain tolerance). He kept his arm by his side and didn't move it, though he could move his fingers. It wasn't too fun getting the x-rays or holding him still to have the splint put on, but Nate is a trooper. He was happy to have a Happy Meal and chocolate milk afterwards (with enzymes of course). We have to take him to the orthopedist tomorrow to have a cast put on. :( Poor boy! I hope these are his only broken bones, but since Nate is all boy, all the time, I'm not so sure!

Lucy's room

We've done a lot of work around the house today, including moving most of the boxes left in the garage into the house so I can unpack them this week. We also put the crib into Lucy's room (and put a borrowed crib in Nate's room--we've decided he isn't ready for a big boy bed), so now her room is pretty much finished. I love it!

Nate and Lucy: 4 months

I have such fun looking through my old pictures of Nate! Here are some comparison pictures from when he was 4 months (and Lucy today). What sweethearts!

Milestone

Lucy rolled over for the first time today! Here she is.



Nate didn't roll until quite late, so it's nice this time to have it happen a little sooner.

Pics

Nate recently discovered that he loves ketchup, a.k.a. dip dip:

And Lucy is getting cuter and spunkier every day!

I'm onto you, kid...

Nate has this very specific laugh he laughs when he thinks he is alone with Lucy and he is doing something to her. If I hear that laugh, I come running. He has never done anything harmful to her (at least not on purpose); he's usually just pushing her pacifier into her mouth or poking her nose or ears or something. It's just so funny to me how recognizable his noises are.

On the homefront, our TV is up and running as of today. I finished painting the ceiling in the master bathroom last night (one coat primer, two coats white paint to cover the dark tan that was there). My enthusiasm for painting is wearing out quickly, but I still have two "must paint" areas left (small kitchen wall and big guest bathroom). We are unpacked enough to live our daily lives but there sure seem to be a LOT of boxes left in the garage. :)

New schedule

Nate's new/extended therapy schedule starts today, so he's in his in-home ABA from 8-11 this morning. On Tuesdays he just has PT at home for an hour in the late afternoon. Then Wednesday, we've worked it out so that Jon can drive Nate to the center for therapy starting at 8:30 (then he'll continue on to work), and I'll pick Nate up at noon. (We have an extra car seat we used for traveling to VA so we can keep it in Jon's car.) Thursdays I'll take Nate for his 9:30-12:00 therapy, and Fridays we have off. I'm really excited about the Wednesday morning thing, because it means that I only have to take Lucy up there for a long morning (sort of messes up any schedule she's on) once a week.

Videos

Here's Nate cutely kicking a ball (and you can see a little bit of the house too):


And Lucy last night:

Back in the swing

Jon hooked up our TV and our internet yesterday/today, so now I feel connected to the world again. Phew! That felt like a long week.

Lucy "found her voice" today. She spent a lot of the day making these cute high-pitched squeals, almost like she was singing. Love it!

Tomorrow we're going to church and then we have a wedding in the afternoon, so we won't get much house stuff done, but at least we're settled enough that it won't matter too much. I'll try to post with more pictures soon. For now, here is Lucy laughing at Jon last night:

Very slowly but surely

We're in our new house, and we're doing OK living through the chaos. On top of having most of our stuff in boxes or strewn on random floors at our house, this week is VBS week at church, and I'm helping again this year. Can you say "stress"? :) So far at the house, I've painted Lucy's room (two coats primer, one coat of a super light pink), cleaned a lot, painted about 1/3 of the main bathroom (just the area that is around/behind the washer/dryer), unpacked a lot of kitchen boxes, and I'm sure there's more but I think I'm too tired to think!

Our internet is getting hooked up here in the next few days (we're online using Jon's phone right now), so I'll be on more then and will post some pictures too. :)

Done deal

Escrow closed on the condo today--it's ours! We went by tonight to pick up the keys, and I immediately took down the purple curtains in the living room, dining room, and master bedroom (this girl definitely has a thing for purple). Colleen and I took out the contact paper from the kitchen cabinets too. It looks like tomorrow will be a cleaning day and a "partial moving" day. I doubt we'll get everything moved, but we'll get started. Jon has his company's 14-foot truck this weekend, but I think he could probably get it next weekend if we needed it then too.

I don't think I ever mentioned it, but we were able to make the loans work so that we are also able to keep our Irvine house and rent it out. Yay!

Questions I've been pondering

Where is the balance between helping Nate to be "normal" and accepting him for who he is? I am glad he is getting so many kinds of therapy and seems to be doing well with it. But is there a point where we are pushing him too much, not allowing him to be his own person?

No parent wants to hear their child has something "wrong." We want our children's lives to be easy, happy, so when we hear they have a condition that means things will be more difficult for them, it's heartbreaking. But do I really know what's going to make Nate happy when he's older, or am I projecting what I would want for him (to have friends, to do well in school, to speak eloquently, to get married and have children)?

Estee Klar-Wolfond, a mother of a child with autism and an activist, writes,

We do not hear about research that seeks to help autistic people be the best autistic people they can be. We need to redirect our attention to merging help (with the more disabling aspects of autism) with respect (respecting the autistic person’s right to exist) and realize that there is life beyond an over-simplified “cure.” Further, helping the more disabling aspects of autism (anxiety, sensory issues) can exist outside of a "cure" for autism.

I urge every parent (but for those who visit this blog, I bet I’m preaching to the choir), to actively seek out the alternatives and become proactive in not accepting strategies that change your child to “appear normal” because they will ultimately be very damaging to their self-image as teenagers and adults, and we will have greater problems to contend with later.

I don't necessarily agree completely with the author (e.g., "self image" and self esteem often encourage us to look inside ourselves for our identity, when really our identity is in Christ), but she did make me think. I don't want Nate to think we believe there's something wrong with who he is. He does need therapy, because we want him to be able to communicate effectively and function in the world. But beyond his learning to talk and at least identify (if not understand) social mores, I don't want to push him too much. (But what is too much? I don't want to waste his most formative years when therapy and behavior "modification" and discipline and proactive parenting have the most impact! I don't want to say, "Nate is just going to be this way," just because it's easier not to take action. As you can see, I haven't worked this all out in my head, which is why this post is titled, "Questions.")

I guess what I really need to keep my focus on is fostering Nate's spiritual growth. I want him to become a believer in Christ, and I want him to be happy, however that happens. I want him to know we love him no matter what, that we enjoy his personality and want him to pursue his interests.

VA

Here are some highlights from our trip.

• Jon and I left Nate and Lucy with my parents midway through the week and went to Natural Bridge and the caverns that are there too. It was really neat. I'd been to Natural Bridge about 10 years ago but hadn't been to the caverns.
• Nate played some new games with my parents. My dad put three cups upside down and placed an object underneath one; then he moved the cups around while Nate watched and then had to pick which cup the object was under. Nate loved it. He also liked an alphabet puzzle my mom had, and by the third or fourth day of the trip, he knew all 26 letters (he can even say some of them correctly). He says "Umpa" for Grandpa and "Neenee" or "Nannie" for Mimi. (FYI for the video below: Jack is my parents' dog.)





• Several people commented on how Lucy looks more like Jon than pictures made it seem. She definitely seems to have his eyes and face/head shape. I love that! :)
• My dad and I played at "social hour" at the place where my grandparents live. Pop introduced us, and we played six or seven pieces. It was fun!
  
  
  
  
• At the end of the week, our friends Nate and Louise and their children, who are in the states for a family reunion in North Carolina, came and stayed at Hanshill for two nights. It was a sweet but very short time. Their three girls, who are 4, 2, and 4 months, are adorable. Here is the youngest with Lucy and then a cute bath pic (hate those red eyes):
  
  
  
  
  

We had a lovely trip!