The Varelas

What I Do
by Katie Varela

Job Summary according to Beech Street:
Responsible for preparing proposals for existing and prospective clients, evaluating client requirements and coordinating/updating information. Will provide assistance to sales personnel including preparation of "Requests for Proposals" (RFP's). Screens RFP's for specific and/or unusual requirements; inform department manager of special needs. Performs word processing of rough and final draft or various materials involving varied and specialized proposal requests. Requires an Associates degree or equivalent work experience. Two years in a healthcare environment preferred. Must possess excellent written and verbal communication skills. Requires a working knowledge of Microsoft Office (Excel, Word, PowerPoint) and 40-wpm typing.

Job Summary according to real life:
Responsible for preparing proposals for existing and prospective clients, evaluating client requirements and coordinating/updating information. Will provide personal assistance to sales personnel, especially lonely 45-year-old condescending cat owners, including preparation of "Requests for Proposals" (RFPs). Screens RFPs for specific and/or unusual requirements; informs department manager of special needs. Performs word processing of rough and final draft or various materials involving varied and specialized proposal requests, including making copies, downloading files, teaching basic computer skills, and answering 25 to 30 calls per day from said cat-owning salesperson. Requires an Associates degree or equivalent work experience. Two years in a healthcare environment preferred. Ability to be subservient, submissive, and patient preferred. Must possess excellent written and verbal communication skills. Requires a working knowledge of Microsoft Office (Excel, Word, PowerPoint) and ability to teach said programs to stupid salespeople and 40-wpm typing.