I went to coffee with Casey last night. What would I do without my best friend? We get to bounce ideas off each other, commiserate on the difficult mothering issue du jour, encourage each other, and laugh together.
Last night she asked how Lucy is doing in her two-ness (if you know Lucy, you know what I mean), and I reflected that she has had three or four very good days. I didn't change anything or do anything differently; she just all of a sudden stopped throwing fits about usual fit-throwing issues (e.g., the car seat being too tight every single car ride, or throwing a taco across the table because it somehow didn't please her) a few days ago. I'm not ready to call it a turning point yet, but we have had a nice few days. Casey chalked it up to a year's worth of consistency in dealing with and disciplining Lucy. While I have failed many times with Lucy this past year, I do think overall we have been pretty consistent with her. Perhaps one day this week, it just clicked. (Or perhaps tomorrow will be back to the old normal.)
So much of parenting in these early years (and perhaps later too) seems to be about consistency. About persisting and pushing through way longer than you thought you'd have to. About reinforcing, showing through actions, and telling your child one specific thing at least 500 times, all the while thinking that absolutely none of it is sinking in. And then, maybe on the 501st time, it clicks and all the consistency falls into place and comes to fruition. And then you have to move on to the next issue and start all over.
Consistency is so much harder in the moment. When I've told Lucy she may not have the lollipop because she threw a fit about its color, it would be much easier just to give her the color she wants to avoid a meltdown. Then I wouldn't be embarrassed in public about my shrieking child. But of course, then she learns that she gets what she wants when she throws a fit, and that hurts all of us in the long run.
To all my fellow mamas out there in the trenches: with God's help, we can do the hard work now and reap the benefits later!
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3 comments:
Amen sista! I'm right there with you, Eli has had a few good months now and all I can chalk it up to is God's grace and trying to be consistant and set those boundries for him and following through. Glad you're getting to see some fruit from your labors with Luce!
Hang in there. I'm sure your good ways will pay off 100% in time. Anne and I fought like crazy. I still remember one time that I slapped her face really hard. Thank God that she doesn't remember it. And now there's not a nicer person than Anne. It pays off in the end. L&K N
Oh friend! I love you!!! What would I do without YOU?!
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