Play time

I love how Lucy wonders what is going on when Nate plays with her and pokes her...





And these are my new favorite pictures of her (they're clickable so you can see them bigger):

Zoo

Today was Nate's first trip to the zoo--and Lucy's first time too, of course. I think Lucy enjoyed it more than Nate did. I'm being facetious, but only a little bit. Nate just isn't himself while his body is trying to adjust to these enzymes.





We did see lots of monkeys, birds, and barnyard animals.



Nate's cousins fed goats and sheep, and Nate finally got brave enough to try it once (though Nate is usually not the shy one in a bunch, he definitely is a bit skittish around animals, and he was especially today since he has been feeling/acting poorly).

Nate and Lucy, compared

I'm noticing some funny similarities and differences between Nate and Lucy. Though I often hear how you aren't supposed to compare your children, I think it's fun and harmless as long as it isn't "A is the good one and B is the bad one."

Nate used to turn his head only one way. He could turn it the other way, but he really preferred the one way (to his right). Lucy does the same thing and it's also to the same side!

Nate at two months:


Lucy at nearly two months:


Nate loved the "fencer pose"--hands in fists with one arm straight out and the other bent with the fist by the head. Lucy does this too. I think it's so cute!

Nate:


Lucy:


Edited to add: I almost forgot one of the cutest similarities! Nate used to do this cute little sigh every time after he sneezed. Lucy does it too, but with a little more gusto. I caught the tail end of one of her "episodes" back on May 22:



Other similarities are interesting but not so funny...

Nate was a spitter upper, as they call them. Lucy is too. Many moms would change their shirt if their child spit up on it; I don't... why would I? The next shirt would probably be soiled by the next feeding anyway.

Nate's eyes were often watery, and I'm finding that Lucy's are too. (Nate ended up with a clogged tear duct for over six months, so one of his eyes was always watery, but I hope that doesn't happen to Lucy.)

Other similarities: both pacifier babies, both good sleepers (Nate especially so, but Lucy isn't too bad), both have sensitive tummies.

As far as differences, I think Nate liked nursing more than Lucy does. She just can't quite get the hang of it and tends to like the bottle better (Jon has been giving her a bottle of pumped milk every night before her bed time). Nate loved being swaddled and slept that way until he was four months old; Lucy was swaddled for less than a week and prefers sleeping on her tummy (don't tell the doctor!).

Nate:


Lucy:


Nate:


Lucy:


Lucy today doing what infants do (not much):


Bye!

Small picture (today) and big picture (five years)

Today has been another hard day with Nate so far. He is beginning to refuse the enzymes, no matter what way I give them to him. (At first he did fine with the applesauce, but it does make it taste funny, and he noticed. I've also tried juices; baby food fruit; peanut butter; and just today I made a chocolate wafer by melting chocolate chips, putting the enzymes in, and freezing the chocolate. I thought he would love this, but he threw a fit and wouldn't eat it or any of his lunch instead.)

On a much happier note, today is Jon's and my fifth anniversary. It's funny how life's circumstances sometimes take over and things like anniversaries get lost in the fray, but I do think Jon and I are going to go out to dinner tonight (one of my very favorite activities). Here are some of my favorite memories from the past five years...

- Our second anniversary trip to Solvang, where we went wine tasting and took leisurely drives in the countryside.
- The births of our children and getting to experience them together. Jon is terrific under pressure and a great support. During my labor with Nate, Jon wiped my face with a washcloth and held his breath at the same time I did while I pushed. With Lucy, we didn't have time for a washcloth, but Jon did nearly hyperventilate while breathing with me.
- Working on our house together when we first bought it in January 2003. This is one of those things that was mostly terrible when it was happening, but looking back on it is nice, and it reveals the growth and togetherness it fostered. We scraped the ceilings (I sprayed water and Jon scraped) and painted nearly every paintable surface before we even moved in.
- Our trip to Germany to visit Nate and Louise in September 2004.
- Jon's 27th birthday, when I surprised him with a racecar driving package (he got to take a racing class and drive a stock car at the California Superspeedway).
- The weekend cruise we took with Neil and Casey in October 2004.
- 4th of July 2005 in Virginia and the fireworks show Jon, my brother, and my cousin's husband Adam put on for us. Nate was two months old and slept through the night for the first time while we were on this trip.
- There are many more wonderful memories, and I am so thankful we have more time to make many more!

Update

I kept Nate's fever controlled with medicine today, and he seemed fine for most of the day. I'm praying he's much better tomorrow.

It's hard to know how much of his behavior yesterday and today was from being sick and how much might be "regression" spurred by the enzymes. I've noticed quite a bit more stimming and repetitive behaviors, both things that had improved over the past month or two. Today he wanted to watch one of his videos over and over again (I didn't let him; I kept trying to divert his attention all day by playing other things with him, going on a walk, etc. He would play with me for a few minutes but then run back to the TV to ask to watch the video again. This happened well over a dozen times today. My saying no yet again to the video this evening started a long meltdown). This regression is to be expected if I go with what the book says, but it also means that it should get markedly better before too long (yay! and can I add, quickly, please?). If I knew for sure that it would get better and on exactly which day, it would make this current phase much easier! If I knew I just had to survive, say, two and a half weeks of meltdown-filled days, I would be much more sure than I am now. All of that said, I do still think this is going to work. I think Nate's physical signs are good (his diapers already seem more "normal"--TMI). It's just time for me to pray and trust in Him. :)

Asleep

It's 9:15 a.m. and Nate is still asleep. Normally this would make me jump for joy (or, more accurately, roll over under the covers for joy), but he's asleep because he's sick. He came down with an all-of-a-sudden fever in the nursery during AWANA last night. Jon gave him some children's ibuprofen at 5:30 this morning, which is why he's still asleep. Anyway, I'm hoping he has the same thing his two cousins had last week, which seemed to be just a 24-hour thing and included no throwing up (please, please no throwing up). All of this shouldn't be enzyme related (though, speaking of enzymes, I'm seeing signs that they are working well).

Lucy needs me, so I'm off!

Enzyme update

I'm holding Lucy in one arm and typing with the other, so this will be short. So far, the enzymes seem to be going well! Nate's diapers have seemed a bit worse, which means the enzymes were needed and are working (cleaning out his system). His behavior has also seemed worse; however, there has been something non-enzyme-related (trip one day to Hesperia where we stayed in a strange place; 30-minute nap one day) each day that also could explain the behavior. Today we're up to a half capsule of Zyme Prime at breakfast and a full capsule at dinner. We'll be up to a full capsule at all three meals by Saturday, and then I'll start Peptizyde (half capsule with dinner) either Saturday or Sunday.

Enzymes

The enzymes came today. I gave a half capsule of Zyme Prime to Nate with dinner tonight (but he had no idea--I mixed it into his applesauce). That's how the manufacturer recommends starting--do enzymes with dinner for a few days, then breakfast and dinner, and eventually all meals. I'll probably wait a week or so before starting the Peptizyde the same way.

Cute girl

I have taken a few pictures of Lucy that make her look like my sister! I think this one does:


What do you think, those of you who would know (Mama, Nannie, etc.)?

I love this little outfit and her sweet smile (and Nate's humongous hand).

Enzymes 101

I finished reading Enzymes for Autism over the weekend and ordered two types of enzymes for Nate last night. I am really excited about the possibility that these are going to help Nate a lot.

Here is a basic rundown of how I understand enzymes. Enzymes are catalysts in our bodies, and one thing they do is aid in digestion by breaking foods down. Our bodies make them, and raw foods contain them too. There is a trend that many (most?) people with autism and similar conditions also have digestive/gut issues. DeFelice writes, "This may be due to a real unidentified biological issue which is manifesting in problematic behavior." Because of these gut issues, many people with autism are put on a gluten- and casein-free diet (no wheat or dairy), and this seems to help when followed 100% (though strict adherence to the diet is very difficult, as many, many items contain gluten). However, what if, instead of removing food after food, you instead supply the person's body with the enzymes it needs to break down gluten, casein, and the other foods that have caused problems?

DeFelice found that a large majority of people (over 85%) with autism/PDD who began taking enzymes and participated in her study saw a marked improvement in/disappearance of "autistic" behavior: increased eye contact, increased language, increase in foods tolerated and foods accepted by child's choice, improved transitioning (changing activities/unexpected change in schedule), improved socialization, increased awareness. What is the connection? How can sprinkling some enzymes on someone's food every time he/she eats lead to changes in behavior? Here's what DeFelice writes:

"A fundamental issue is the fact that there is an extensive nerve network (the enteric nervous system) running along the entire gastrointestinal tract. So anything that affects the gut directly affects the nerves. This leads to digestive enzymes having a direct impact on neurology. In addition, the largest part of the immune system in our body is in the mucosal lining on the frontlines of the gut.... Many people with neurological difficulties also have general digestive problems, leaky gut, inflammation of the gut, yeast overgrowth, or other conditions that result in insufficiently digested food and poor absorption, which enzymes may help improve. Some, not all, children with autism exhibit behavioral problems that lessen with the removal of certain foods. Enzymes help break down foods more sufficiently so they will not be in a form that is problematic or causes an immune system reaction. At the same time, they may help heal the fundamental gastrointestinal issues" (349).

DeFelice goes into much further detail in the book; she also gives practical suggestions on how to get children to take the enzymes and what to expect when starting on them. They come in capsule form but can be broken apart and sprinkled on food or in a drink. I can also open a capsule and freeze the bad-tasting enzymes into a chocolate wafer. Also, I know to expect that the first one to three weeks on enzymes might make Nate seem worse physically and behaviorally, since 1) the enzymes will be cleaning out his system and 2) "the use of enzymes that break down casein, gluten, or any other 'addictive' substance may cause a withdrawal effect [for those not already on a casein-free, gluten-free diet].... This is because of the decrease in peptides in his or her system" (347).

I ordered Peptizyde and Zyme Prime for Nate. Peptizyde is for the breakdown of proteins, which means it works directly on casein, gluten, and other "problem" foods. Zyme Prime is a "broad spectrum" enzyme product, so it contains lots of different kinds of enzymes, and it works on carbohydrates, fats, starches, and proteins.

I will be sure to report on when the enzymes come, when I start Nate on them, and if he makes any progress!

Here are some links with more information:
www.enzymestuff.com
Enzymes and Autism Yahoo group - I just joined
Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew - PDF file

Edited to add: Every time I reread this post, I think of more things I should write about (e.g., information on why some with autism might be "addicted" to gluten and casein, more on what I read in the book about how enzymes heal the gut and thereby affect behavior). But hey, I have two kids and no more time! :)

The kids

At my parent meeting for Nate at the therapy center yesterday, the head therapist told me how much better Nate is doing. He isn't crying during his sessions at all (only cries now for the initial goodbye with me and then if he happens to see me at all during the morning, which I make sure to avoid), and he's making good gains toward his goals. Yay!

Here's the closest thing I could get to a smile on camera from Lucy last night (but she did smile for real at Jon):


All that smiling makes a girl tired!

Pics

Lucy this morning...




Nate last week (smart boy!)...

Six weeks

Lucy is six weeks old today. She should start sleeping even better at night soon (I hope--though she sleeps pretty well already--6 hours last night) and smiling socially any day! She almost smiled at Jon yesterday. :)

Today

Well, I didn't get another 7-hour night from Lucy last night, but I will gladly take her going straight back to sleep after she nurses (which she did).

Today has been kind of a frustrating mothering day, mostly because Nate has been unexplainably whiny. However, he is now sitting here in my lap, looking into my face with his big brown puppy dog eyes, and I forget everything that has happened today 'til now! He's my boy.

(Lucy's asleep in the next room, and she's my girl!)

Hallelujah!

Lucy slept for 7 hours last night! I'm not a superstitious person, but the three nights over the past couple of weeks that Lucy has slept the best, she has been wearing the same pajamas (picture from a month ago).


Coincidence? Last night, though, I gave her 3/4 of a dose of gripe water with her last feeding at 10:30. When she woke me this morning at 5:30, I rejoiced!

Also, here's Lucy helping me with laundry this morning while Ray took Nate to therapy.


And then later getting a bath.

Baby steps

Though Nate has had no "amazing breakthroughs" with his therapy or developmental progress, I can't overlook the small steps he has taken. Those small steps really add up!

- Yesterday, Nate brought a book to me so I would read it to him.
- When he finishes a puzzle, he claps for himself and/or looks to me for praise.
- He signs "more," "please," "all done," and "thank you."
- He is now quite adept at using a spoon to feed himself.
- He understands and will sometimes obey when I ask him to pick up an object and give it to me.
- He also understands and follows (the "follow" part is key, since he understands a LOT but doesn't necessarily do) a number of simple commands like "put in" or "give Mama."
- He waves hello and goodbye to people with little or no prompting.
- Just now, Nate came across the house from his room to ours with a puzzle piece (a snake) to show it to me and show me how he can say "snake" (it sounds more like "nah"). Sweet boy! So now I'm going to take a break from writing and go play with him. ;)
I'm back.
- At therapy, the therapists say, "Ready, set, --" and try to encourage the kids to point or make some sort of gesture for "go" if they can't say it. I do this at home too. Nate has started waiting for the appropriate time (after the person has said the first two words) and then saying an enthusiastic "gah!"
- He makes much better eye contact.
- He responds much more often when his name is called.
- If he needs help with something (putting in a puzzle piece, getting a toy unstuck), he says "buppa"--"help." Sometimes he needs to be prompted/reminded to do this (he whines/cries first), but he's getting better!
- Just this past week, he began nodding his head to answer "yes" to questions.
- He likes to "tickle" Jon. He wiggles his fingers on Jon and Jon laughs and squirms as if it tickled. Nate loves it. (This is another good social/interactive thing.)

These are all things Nate wasn't able to do months or even weeks ago.

Here are some cute things Will, Nate's in-home therapist, told me this morning:
- When they are playing a game, Will will purposely look away to see if/how Nate will try to gain his attention. He said Nate did the sign for "more" but realized Will couldn't see him. So Nate moved into Will's line of sight and did the sign again. (Trying to gain an adult's attention is a great social step, even if Nate didn't try tapping Will's shoulder or something like that.)
- Will has also done an exercise with Nate where he will put three cards/pictures in front of Nate and request one of them in particular. Will said he has to keep a total poker face, because Nate will put his hand over one of the cards and then look up at Will's face to see if it's the right one; he'll keep his eyes on Will while he hovers his hand over each card. Will has to keep a straight face until Nate actually picks up the correct card on his own and gives it to Will. (This is also an indication that Nate's making gains in social development, as he's paying attention to facial expression.)

I've been looking into the gluten-free/casein-free diet for Nate but am quite overwhelmed with the huge amount of change and work that would take. (I'm not unwilling to work, but if I can find something else that will work, like enzymes, I'd like to try that first.) I do think there is a biological/intestinal component to autism, at least in Nate's case, and so I expect we would see results if we tried some of these things in addition to the therapies we're already doing.

Outdoors

One of Nate's favorite backyard activities these past few weeks has been finding roly polies. He picks them up, waits for them to turn into balls, then throws them.


He also likes his new bike from Nannie and Pop!


He got another new outside toy for his birthday from my parents, but I haven't put it together yet. When I do, he is going to love it. It's a table with big compartments for sand and water (a.k.a. a mess factory!).

This video cracks me up. He didn't really get hurt, so it's OK to laugh, right?

Look who's 2!

My little boy is two years old! I am so thankful for the mild, funny, smart (speaking of smart, he just memorized an entire puzzle faster than I did yesterday!), happy son God gave us.

We had a little get together at Ray and Colleen's house on Sunday afternoon for Nate. He didn't care too much about opening presents, but he had a good time. He was very impressed with the whole group singing:



Happy birthday, son!

So sweet

Don't know why, but I'm feeling like carrots for lunch

I actually am more used to the color today, especially as a lot of the fluorescent-ness washed out in the shower this morning.

Mistake

I think I made a hair mistake today. The mistake wasn't deciding to dye it red (which I did, and yes, I'm serious), but I think it was not telling the hairdresser what kind of red I like. As in not carrot. I'm getting used to it, but I think I'll go back to him so he can darken it into the more auburn-y deep color I had imagined but not vocalized.

Lucy's going to end up being pretty tough

Oh, the things that amuse children

Nate loves when one of us chases him with his toy train (you can sort of see Jon with it in the background of this picture).

I thought I would never do it...

It seems exponentially more difficult to get out of the house with two children (not just twice as hard). Lucy doesn't really complicate things all that much (just have to time the nursing), but having a non-talking toddler who doesn't like to hold hands or be led anywhere does. And now I really can't carry Nate into the store or therapy or wherever it is we are going, because I have to carry Lucy in her carseat. Casey and I met at Starbucks today, and though I was able to get from the car to the Starbucks carrying the carseat with one arm and (forcibly) holding Nate's hand with the other, it was difficult. So I'll admit it... I broke down and bought a harness. A child leash. I haven't used it yet, but I probably will. Poor kid. ;)

Poor Lucy caught Nate's cold! She is still able to nurse OK, and she slept pretty well overnight, so it isn't affecting her too terribly. Speaking of sleep, I'm definitely starting to miss my full nights of it! I can't complain too much, though, because Lucy does pretty well.

Adjusting

Things are going pretty well here. Nate is getting more used to his sister and always rubs her head when he gets a chance. :) He has been acting out a little bit less for the past couple of days (or maybe I'm figuring out the warning signs and am getting better at heading him off). Lucy had her two-week well check today and is doing great. She now weighs 7 pounds 8 ounces. She's sitting with her daddy watching the Dodgers right now. :)

Here's Nate today.

Nate's version of the sign for "please"

All by myself

My mom went back home today, and I'm definitely wondering if I can do this mom-of-two thing by myself... Nate has been particularly challenging this past week, as he realizes the new creature in the house isn't leaving and as he gets more and more frustrated not being able to express himself. A couple of his therapists and I talked this week about implementing a picture system for communication (essentially having a board of pictures of different objects like his water cup, favorite video, food, milk, etc., and if he wants one of them he has to go get the picture and bring it to me, then I say the word and immediately get him what he has asked for), and I think that will help a lot with the meltdowns we've been experiencing. I know he wants to be able to communicate, so anything we can do to help him along will be good.

So far, I'm doing wonderfully at mothering two children by myself--it has been three whole hours (and either Nate or Lucy has been asleep the whole time)!

Lucy today

Cute story

When we were in the hospital, Ricci came by to visit and brought her two-and-a-half-year-old, Miles. He looked at Lucy for a few seconds and said, "Babble babble babble polka dots!" Ricci thought he was pointing to Lucy's hat, so she said, "No, those are stripes on the baby's hat." But Miles repeated his sentence about polka dots, this time pointing closer... He was pointing at Lucy's nose and the teeny tiny white dots of her pores. It was so sweet! :)

Nate & Lucy

Lucy is so sweet. She definitely likes to nurse and is a good sleeper. She has had a few consistent awake times each day and then at night, she goes right back to sleep after nursing. She has especially long fingers, hands, and feet--just like her Aunt Lucy! And it looks like she might have the same hairline as her Aunt Lucy, too. At her well check at the doctor's office yesterday, Lucy weighed 6 pounds 9 ounces--her birth weight exactly, which is great. (Nate was still 11 ounces below his birth weight when he was about the same age.) She has jaundice, but it's minor and already looks a bit better today. (Nate had jaundice too.)

Nate is either still sick or has come down with something new. He has a 102-degree fever today and is acting like he feels terrible. Oh, and he is becoming a Daddy's boy. He has only wanted Jon today, not me. This week has altered his perceived reality of "Mama is on this planet for me and me alone." He has been fussy and testy this week (throwing things on the floor, licking the floor, banging objects on the wall, acting like he's going to bite me, etc.!), and I'm giving him lots of extra grace since #1 he doesn't feel good and #2 this whole little sister thing is very upsetting. He has mostly just ignored Lucy, but he doesn't like that she is with me so much. I'm being very laid back with letting him get up on the couch next to me when I'm nursing (not telling him to watch out for the baby or shielding her from him or anything like that), so I think that helps. In the car yesterday, I heard Nate laughing and looked back to see him pulling up and down on Lucy's sleeve/arm (his carseat and hers are right next to each other). She couldn't have cared less, and I was glad to see Nate at least looking at his sister. ;)

I remember feeling very scatterbrained for a while after Nate was born, and I'm feeling that way again this time but maybe not quite as bad. But if my posts make no sense, you know why!

Here are some pictures.

Nate visiting his sister in the hospital (obviously not interested in the baby)


Lucy today

Lucy's birth story--the long version

I woke up Tuesday morning at 4:00 to the baby giving a hard kick, and then I felt my water leak or break--I wasn't sure. I went into the bathroom and decided this was pretty similar to what had happened with Nate--about the same amount of fluid, maybe a bit more. With him, it ended up being a leak that didn't really spur labor, but I knew we should get to the hospital in the next few hours since even a leak meant we'd be having the baby. I didn't have any immediate contractions, and after about 30 minutes, I decided to get back in bed for a while (with towels underneath me) to try to rest a little bit, since this would probably be a long day. The contractions started pretty soon after that, coming about 7 minutes apart but mild enough that I could stay lying down and just breathe through them. When I got back up at 5:30, the contractions were really uncomfortable but still bearable, and they were coming a bit closer together. I went back into the bathroom and found that leaning on the sink and rocking forward and backward made the contractions less painful, and I did this for a while, realizing they were still getting closer together and a lot stronger--fast.

I woke Jon up at 6:00. He hopped in the shower and then heard me groan with the start of a contraction--the first time I'd made any noise. I have never seen him finish a shower faster. He was an adrenaline madman after that, getting dressed, getting Nate up and dressed (even toasting him a waffle), putting the last couple of items on my written list into Nate's packed bag, calling his dad, and packing the car, all while I labored in our room and packed my things (already set aside and/or written on a list) in between contractions, which were coming very fast now--about 3 minutes apart. Somewhere in this time, I called the hospital and let them know we were on our way. I called Jon's sister, Janel, too, since she'd be watching Nate. And I think I called Casey. I couldn't talk during contractions at this point.

We decided to drive straight to the hospital as opposed to Janel's house to drop Nate off; Jon's dad, Ray, was going to meet us at the hospital to get Nate. As we were getting in the car at about 6:45, I told Jon I was scared. Everything was happening so fast and the contractions had gotten so painful so quickly that I wasn't sure we were going to make it to the hospital in time for the epidural (if you are past a certain point--I think around 7 cm dilated--they can't give you the epidural). In my thinking, I had hours left, and if it was going to get worse than this, I couldn't do it. I had several bad contractions in the car while Jon sped the 7 miles to the hospital. We pulled up to the hospital door, and Ray walked up behind us. I stood up out of the car, and suddenly, I had to push! I can't explain the urge except to call it primal; my body was just under so much duress that the way to address it was push.

Ray ran inside the hospital and almost immediately came back out with a nurse and a wheelchair. Sitting in the chair took away the pushing urge somewhat. The nurse took me inside and up the elevator. As the doors opened onto the second floor, I saw an I-mean-business Jon bound up the last step of the stairwell to meet me holding all of our things (bag, cameras--he remembered it all). We pulled up to the nurse's station for me to check in, and I hollered my name at them and said, "I hope I made it in time for the epidural!" I think I was a bit delirious.

We made it into room 287, and the nurse gave me a gown and said she needed a urine sample. I don't think she understood the urgency of the situation. I went into the restroom and promptly had a terrible contraction, and I bent over the tub and made what I'm sure is the universal "I'm pushing" noise. The nurse ran in, yelling, "Don't push! Don't push!" She ushered me, clotheless (me, not her), to the hospital bed, which was surrounded by several other nurses and Jon also telling me not to push. There was no doctor in the room yet. A nurse checked me for about a half second and shouted, "She's complete, plus two!" (This means I was 10 cm dilated and the baby was really far down.) Someone put a gown over me (Jon now tells me he did) while nurse Jaime had me breathing lots of short, fast breaths to try to stop my body from pushing. "Where is Doctor O'Toole?" someone yelled. "I don't know!" "Where is Doctor Han?" "I don't know!" "Page any doctor, stat!" They really did say stat. I had to do the breathing through several contractions while waiting for a doctor, and this was the worst part of the labor. My body was taking control and telling me to do one thing, and I was trying to tell it no. I hated that nurse for not letting me push. I think Jon almost hyperventilated because he was doing the breathing with me. During this time, another nurse tried to fill in some of the paperwork, so she actually expected me to answer such questions as, "Who is the pediatrician? Were you Group B Strep positive or negative? What number baby is this?" I did answer her questions but probably not very nicely.

Finally, Dr. Han arrived. I think she might have had time to put on gloves (wink, wink). I got to push--hallelujah! The nurse had to remind me to hold my breath, because I was yelling out. I pushed for just over one minute (what a crazy feeling), and out came our baby! The doctor held the baby up, moved the cord out of the way, and someone (doctor? nurse? Jon? I don't know) said, "It's a girl!"

It's amazing how quickly I went from feeling so bad to feeling so amazingly good. I laid there while the doctor finished taking care of me (no stitches or anything necessary!) and tried to get over the shock of the last few minutes. I couldn't believe how quickly I had gone from very bearable contractions (4:30 a.m.) to oh-my-goodness-let's-get-to-the-hospital contractions (6:15 a.m.) to I-might-have-this-baby-in-the-car contractions (6:50 a.m.) to pushing (7:05 a.m.) to baby (7:12 a.m.)! They brought our little Lucy to me, and I held my precious daughter for the first time. :)

Going home

We're going home from the hospital today. We would have been ready to go home yesterday, but I guess it's standard to stay two nights, and we didn't mind the extra night. My mom stayed at the hospital with me, and Jon went home to rest in something other than a two-foot wide, rock-hard, plastic-covered pull-out chair. Lucy did very well and is eating great, and I got several hours of sleep (woo hoo).

Nate came by with Grammy yesterday to see his sister. He couldn't have cared less about that little baby (except when I held her, and even then he was easily distracted). It was nice to see my little boy; I missed him. (Sad side story: although he was fine on Sunday and Sunday night, Nate got really sick--throw-up sick--at his aunt Janel's house on Monday, and he was still under the weather yesterday. It was hard on Monday being in the hospital with Lucy knowing that Nate was feeling bad... I felt terrible for Janel too, who has her own two kids and now was cleaning up after Nate. Anyway, I think he's doing a bit better now.)

I'm interested to see how the transition to home goes. It's easy to sit and nurse for 30 undistracted minutes in the hospital every two or three hours, but we'll see how that happens in the real world!

P.S. I bought a custom diaper bag on eBay yesterday. It isn't the same one I pictured in the post below, because I found some other ones that include a name embroidered on the bag. Here's the one I got (but of course with my precious Lucy's name!):

Announcing...

Lucy Janel Varela

Born Tuesday, April 2, at 7:12 a.m.
6 pounds, 9 ounces
20 inches long



I'm posting from our hospital room, where we had quite a morning! I can't wait to relay the labor/birth story--it was exciting and ended perfectly with our sweet little girl.

I'm an eBay addict

How cute is this diaper bag? There are a bunch of handmade bags on eBay I could use as diaper bags. I've been browsing ones made with fabrics I like (this one has Amy Butler fabrics). I'm really tempted to bid on this one but I will have to wait to see if I have a girl!



Edit: I found some even cuter bags, too--ones I can have custom embroidered with the baby's name. Oh I can barely wait! I've been having some contractions tonight (Sunday) for a couple of hours, but they are pretty far apart and not very painful, so it's probably nothing.

God's hand

Most of what I post--in general and specifically about Nate and his development--is factual, practical, things I'm working through in my head. One of the main reasons for that is this blog is mainly for the benefit of family and friends who don't live close by, and they like to stay informed about what's going on with us. I don't do a lot of relating what's going on in our everyday lives to their spiritual implications. In general, I'm not that kind of thinker I guess. But I do definitely think about and see God's hand working in our circumstances, specifically the things we've been learning about Nate.

"O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether...

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well...
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them." (Psalm 139:1-4, 13-16)

God intimately understands every fleeting thought I have. He knows me fully. To me, that is comfort. I don't have to be able to explain how I'm feeling in words; He knows and cares. And he knows Nate fully, knows him and formed him just this way. Nate is fearfully and wonderfully made--he is marvelous. Nate has a grand purpose in life, one that God has already written out. I get excited thinking about the man of God I pray Nate one day will be.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). When I am in the Word and praying consistently, humbly asking the Holy Spirit to work through me, nothing in my life is too difficult. My view of our circumstances changes from "Poor me; how am I going to overcome this?" to a calmer "Thank you, God, for walking with me through this and giving me Your strength."

And God is stretching me. Becoming a mother has been one of the most rewarding and most difficult things that has happened to me, opening my eyes to my weaknesses and selfishness but also to my strengths and ability to love. Through Nate having autism, I know God is going to grow me in areas I still struggle: worrying too much about what others think, having too much pride in and placing too much importance on my children's accomplishments/intelligence/"impressiveness", being too impatient.

I am so thankful for our son. I think we are in a difficult stage in his development right now, especially as far as communication goes, but I also read about and see other kids and parents whose hardships are so much more profound. We really do have it easy. We have a foundation in God that allows us to see a much bigger picture. We have a son who is visibly attached to us, is generally easy to care for, and is fun to be with. Our family has a bright future!

No news

Baby is still hanging on tight with barely any contractions. OH! But I'm pretty positive we did settle on a boy name, so I'm not so worried about whether it's a boy or girl now.

Still here

I've been having some contractions, but nothing regular yet. As of my appointment yesterday, I am 3 cm dilated--yay for progress! C'mon baby, we want to meet you!

Book

On the recommendation of the doctors last week at Nate's appointment, I ordered a specific book on autism. I like it after just the first page of the introduction:

"There are few things in life scarier than having a child diagnosed with any kind of special need, and autism is one of the scariest disabilities, because the diagnosis tells you nothing about a child's prognosis. No one can honestly say to you, 'We know exactly what your child will be like when he's twenty.'

People will, however, feel free to comment on the diagnosis in every way, most of them unhelpful. You'll hear things like 'They're crazy, he's just a late talker,' [heard it], 'My cousin's brother's kid had autism, and they changed his diet and he was cured,' [heard it], and 'Oh, my god, are you going to put him in an institution?' [haven't heard it] You'll start reading articles and combing the Internet for helpful information, and you'll find that there are a lot of conflicting opinions out there--some people swear by certain approaches, others by completely different ones, and some even believe a kid with autism should just be left alone, since 'he'll be whatever he's going to be, and nothing you do will make any difference.'

Now, that's where they're wrong.... Everything you do will make a difference" (p. xiii).

The book is written by a physician and a parent of a child with autism and seems like it covers a lot of practical information, with chapters organized by symptom. They write, "We chose to focus on one symptom at a time for a very simple reason: every child with autism is different and needs a different intervention plan. This plan needs to be based on that specific child's needs and the symptoms being exhibited, not on some general idea of how a kid with autism behaves" (p. xv). I like this, because Nate seems to strongly exhibit some symptoms while barely having others.

Anyway, all this to say I'm encouraged and am still working through everything in my head. :)

Still pregnant

No baby or any signs of labor! Tomorrow I'll be 38 weeks. (Nate was born at 37 weeks 1 day.) I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable and think I'm ready to have this baby any time now. Plus I rrrreally want to know if it's a boy or a girl!

Thank you to many of you for your encouraging notes and e-mails you sent after I posted the last post. We are doing well!

The post

We took Nate on Wednesday for his appointment with the pediatric neurologist. She met with us and observed Nate for over an hour, all the while asking us questions about family history, Nate's behavior, things he does or doesn't do. A speech pathologist also observed and played with Nate, and I noticed her doing a lot of the same things the speech therapists are doing with him in therapy (getting eye contact, playing with bubbles and getting him to sign for more/interact, etc.). I was pleased with how thorough the doctors were and how they thought Nate was so cute. After her observations, the doctor left the room for a few minutes to put together the report, which she came back and shared with us. She explained a little bit about how the Childhood Autism Rating Scale (CARS) works and that Nate scored at 43.5

Nate's score places him in the "moderately autistic range." Jon and I were surprised at first by the word moderately--as opposed to mildly--but after reading through the written evaluation and thinking about the things Nate either always does or never does that fall within the descriptions of autism, we see why the diagnosis fell where it did.

Our overall reaction is that we are not generally surprised; we went into the appointment believing that Nate does have some degree of autism. We have felt that way for a while now (months), and so it wasn't scary hearing it put into words by a doctor. I know I've already been doing some "grieving" over the fact that my little boy is going to have a harder time in some areas than other kids do.

A lot of people seem really hung up on "the A word." Like they're afraid to say it. What's the big deal? It changes pretty much nothing. Nate is still the way he is, regardless of labels. He is still hilarious, cute, playful, energetic, rambunctious, smart, adorable, and fun to be around. And oh yeah, he has autism. But it doesn't define him.

However, because so many people get caught up with the word autism and the image it conjures in their heads, Jon and I think we'll err on the side of caution as far as telling people about Nate's diagnosis. Of course all of our family and close friends will know. But the nursery workers at MOPS? They don't need to know. The grocery store clerk who gives me a weird look because Nate never responds to her when she talks to him? She doesn't need to know. (And that is a whole different post, by the way, because I know Nate's behavior looks like rudeness to outsiders, when I know it isn't--and I care too much about what other people think of my parenting skills.) Everyone who knows Nate already already loves him and sees and understand his quirks. Anyone we meet for the first time will love him too, and his autism won't be something we bring up unless it's appropriate.

We're going to continue with the therapy Nate is getting through the state-run program, and now, with his diagnosis, we will probably also be able to add additional programs through our insurance. What's nice about that is there is more to choose from location-wise through insurance, so most anything we did would be very close to home.

If you don't know anything about autism, here is a quick paragraph I took from a website: "Autism is a developmental disability that typically involves delays and impairment in social skills, language, and behavior. Autism is a spectrum disorder, meaning that it affects people differently. Some children may have speech, whereas others may have little or no speech.... Left untreated, many autistic children will not develop effective social skills and may not learn to talk or behave appropriately.... The good news is that there are a wide variety of treatment options which can be very helpful."

So, that's my disjointed post about the appointment. It was good, we're good, and we're moving forward.

No baby yet

I didn't realize I had gone so many days without a post!

I had an OB appointment on Monday, and everything looks great with the baby. I've been having a few mild contractions here and there over the past weeks, but I'm only 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced, so the baby's still pretty snug. I, on the other hand, am less and less comfortable. It's just hard getting around with 35 extra pounds hanging off my front (and sides and legs and everywhere else)!

aaaaaaaaaaa

(above from Nate)

We had Nate's appointment with the pediatric neurologist today. It was good. I'm definitely still processing all the information, so I'll probably post about it in a few days.

As requested

Taken today (and honestly, I'm not trying to exclude my face on purpose. It's just the way the camera ends up sitting best on the couch to take the picture):



And Nate having lots of fun with the hose in the back yard today:

Outside fun

I'm loving the extra daylight after dinner! So is Nate.



Running with eyes closed:

Update

This week has been another good week at therapy (excluding Monday, when Nate cried and cried for most of the hour and a half. He actually did better when I left for the last 20 minutes, so I'm not going to go in with him anymore I think). It's still tiring, and Nate still would choose not to go if he had the choice, but it's getting better. Next week starts our new schedule! Tuesday morning is two hours of ABA at our house; Wednesday and Thursday are 9:30-11:00 at the center. I'm interested to see how Nate does with so many days (Friday-Monday) in between therapy sessions, because I think one reason Mondays have been hard for him is that he hasn't been in therapy since the previous Thursday...

Baby #2 update
I hit 36 weeks earlier this week. I feel like there is no possible way my body could expand for four more weeks. Skin isn't supposed to be able to stretch like that! I think Jon and I might have come up with two possible boy names we like last night, so that gives me a bit more peace of mind if this is a boy. Overall, though, I still am leaning slightly toward guessing it's a girl.

Preparation progress
Clean Nate’s closet--both sides
Clean my closet (DONE)
Goodwill clothes (DONE)
Find boppy (DONE)
Get out and set up:
-bassinet (DONE)
-car seat (mostly done)
-neutral newborn clothes (DONE)
Pack hospital bag
Pack overnight bag for Nate (to last 2 days)
Make and freeze some meals to have for dinners after baby comes
To buy:
Plastic drawers for clothes (DONE)
Diapers (DONE)
Nursing things
Wash cloths?

Here is Nate's contribution to today's post: ssszzzzcccccccc x

He says "Mama" with flair

Video fun

Here is Nate one year ago. I forgot how light his hair used to be... and it got even lighter over the summer! Boy was he cute.

I'm not ready to call it a turning point, but...

Nate has done so much better in therapy this week. Yesterday, he didn't cry at all, especially since he was with the therapist he has seen the most so far and recognizes. She figured out that he loves playing a computer program she has, so she starts out each session with that. With the way her office/room is set up, I can sit in the next room and listen while her door is open, and Nate doesn't know I'm there. It's nice to hear what he's doing but not be in the way. Then today, Nate cried when the therapist (someone different) took him, but it was only for a minute, and I didn't hear him cry for the rest of the hour and a half, including when they transitioned him to a different therapist/room after the first half hour (the transitions have been hard for him).

I think he's starting to "get" how this place works. I'm noticing, too, that what upsets him besides being away from me is that, in the therapy, he is being directed. Even though he gets to play with toys and do things he normally likes, he is being shown/told when, where, and how to play with each toy, and when it's "all done" time with something specific, he has to give it back and move on to the next thing even if he doesn't want to. He is very self-directed, as a therapist and I were talking about yesterday.

I think his body is adjusting to the changes, too. He took a two-hour (or nearly two-hour) nap Tuesday, Wednesday, and today. That is phenomenal for him. I'm not calling it a sure change yet--he may take a 30-minuter tomorrow--but it has made for a wonderful week with my non-whiny boy back.

Thank God for small improvements!

:)

Nate did pretty well in his therapy today (very minimal crying) and slept for nearly 2 hours after we got home! I call that a successful day. ;)

Why?

Why, on the days when Nate probably needs a nap the most (and the days when I most need a break too), does he sleep for a stinking half hour? :(

Although he's still under the weather (it's just a cold), I'm planning on taking him to therapy this afternoon. We'll see how it goes.

Developing actor?

A 22 month old can't fake a fever to get out of going to therapy, can he?

Nate seemed particularly fussy most of the day yesterday after therapy, and he started feeling really hot in the evening. I ended up taking him home from AWANA, giving him a tepid bath, and loading him up on Tylenol before bed (temp was at 101.7). He slept fine but woke up early, hot and sad. I gave him some Tylenol, called to cancel his therapy, and he was acting fine by breakfast. Of course I'm kidding about him faking the fever, and I know it's the medicine and bit of breakfast he ate that helped him feel better, but I do hope this isn't some major sickness coming on. :(

Dangerous habit

I have yet to capture it properly on camera, but Nate is still enjoying hiding behind too-small objects (his cup, for instance--yes, he'll hold it in front of his face and think he's hiding). He is also finding it fun to walk around with his eyes closed:

Baby update

I'm feeling pretty good and getting nice and big! This baby is strong and likes to keep me from taking a nap by kicking and punching up a storm if I lie down. That's the baby news right now. At 34 weeks, I'm definitely at the waddling stage. Nate was born at 37 weeks, but I'm hoping to make it farther than that this time, mostly because I can't fathom having another baby already three weeks from now. Here's what my to-do list looks like:

Clean Nate’s closet--both sides
Clean my closet (partially done. This is where I will keep some of the new baby's clothes until our housing situation is changed.)
Goodwill clothes (DONE)
Find boppy
Get out and set up:
-bassinet (need sheets?)
-car seat (adjust straps)
-neutral newborn clothes (wash)
Pack hospital bag
-Travel-size toiletries
-One boy & one girl outfit
-Flute phone numbers (input into phone?)
Pack overnight bag for Nate (to last 2 days)
Make and freeze some meals to have for dinners after baby comes

To buy:
Plastic drawers for clothes (DONE. Eventually, Nate will get the dresser Jon uses now, and Baby will get Nate's dresser. My dad is going to build a new one for Jon and me!--no hurry, though.)
Diapers
Nursing things
Wash cloths?

Rejoice!

I spoke several times with the scheduling person at the therapy center today, and, beginning the week of March 20, Nate will have two hours of in-home therapy on Tuesdays, and I will just have to take him to the center on Wednesdays and Thursdays (hour and a half each time). That is so much better! We just have to hold on for another month. Praise God.

Hard day

Today was one of those hard mothering days where I felt like I must be doing everything wrong. I took Nate to therapy and listened from the next room as he cried for a majority of the hour and a half. He seems to be liking the therapy less and less, not more and more. We got home and he took a characteristically short nap, which, on days like this, makes me feel more stressed knowing he didn't sleep enough and I didn't get enough of a break. He acted fussy and clingy and whiny for most of the rest of the day. I'm sure it's when he acts like that that he needs even more of my love and reassurance and patience, but sometimes I feel like I just don't have what it takes.

Can't see me

Nate has just started doing what I think is one of the cutest things little kids do: hiding behind something small thinking no one can see him. I was chasing him in the back yard this morning, and he got behind a post about three inches wide and stood still, thinking I couldn't see him. Later, he stood out in the open and covered his eyes with the backs of his hands, waiting for me to "find" him. :)

On a walk

This picture makes me laugh because it looks like he's saying, "You wanna piece of me?"



Here's how our morning walks usually go (though today is the first weekday in nearly two weeks we've gone on a walk--the therapy has really cut into our walking time):

On a completely different note...

Jon and I usually don't make a big deal out of Valentine's Day, so I was very surprised on Wednesday when I got in the car to drive Nate to therapy to see a note on the dashboard telling me to look in the center console. That's where I found my new iPod Nano! I've never had an iPod before, but our new car has a hookup in the dash for one, and with all the extra driving I'm now doing for Nate's therapy, Jon thought it would be a good gift... and he was right! I love it. I spent several hours yesterday (nap time and after bed time) putting songs on it. Yay!

Then, on Wednesday night, Ray and Colleen came over to watch Nate while Jon and I went to the Clippers game. What I didn't know is that Neil and Casey were coming too, and we all went out to a really nice dinner first. It was relaxing, fun, and almost perfect! (It would have been perfect if the Clippers had won, but we fell apart in the fourth quarter.) What a great Valentine's. :)

Adventures in the park

I took Nate to the park yesterday afternoon after running a few errands. For most of the time, there weren't any other kids there, which I like since Nate is often one of the youngest and sometimes can get accidentally pushed around (older kids forget how wobbly and unsteady toddlers might be on the play structures). The only other child there ended up being a little girl who was maybe 2 and a half--a good head taller than Nate. Nate mostly played on his own but tried to instigate play with her a couple of times, walking up to her and then turning and running, trying to get her to chase him (she didn't). (On another note, this is definitely progress for him as far as social interaction goes.) He also followed her one time to one of the play structures, but she kept yelling, "Stop!" and "No!" at him, so I was glad when he decided to go off on his own again. (I wasn't going to tell him to go somewhere else; he wasn't doing anything wrong, so, if anything, the other mother should have told her kid to stop complaining 'cause the baby wasn't doing anything to her.) Nate and the girl ended up at the same slide structure later. While she was going up the steps, she half kicked, half nudged Nate with her shoe to make him go away (the mother saw this, but was on the phone so didn't say anything). He took a step back and waited for her to go up. After she was up the three or four steps, he started to go up. She thought for a second, turned back around, came down the steps, and kicked Nate hard in the face. It surprised and hurt him, and he started crying strongly. The mother got off the phone, and said, "Olivia, that wasn't nice! Please say you're sorry! That was not nice."

Excuse me? Please say you're sorry? That's how you're going to address your child maliciously kicking a much younger child in the face? I was seething. I picked Nate up and held him there long enough for the kid to laugh out an I'm sorry, and I walked away. My instincts were telling me to yell at this mom (I was angrier at her than at the girl, who obviously doesn't receive much discipline). If the mom doesn't believe in spanking, fine, then take the child off the slide, sit her on a bench, and give her a time out...just do something.

This situation is not unique--I'm sure every mom witnesses her child being hurt by another, especially at playgrounds, but it still makes me mad. And I felt so bad for my little Nate, who just wanted to play and in this instance was really just minding his own business, and here came a little brat who was so mean to him.

Nate is fine, by the way. :)

This week

Well, we're into week two of therapy, and though I'm still discouraged about the scheduling of it, I'm happy about how it's going. It is still new and maybe a bit overwhelming for Nate--he fell asleep in the car on the way home today, which is very unusual for him--but in another two or three weeks, he'll have the hang of it. He saw an occupational therapist yesterday, who gave me a couple of stretching exercises/manipulations to do on Nate's face each day to help develop his "tone" and gums, since his upper lip apparently is a bit overly attached to his gums/teeth. Today he saw a physical therapist for an evaluation since he hasn't been PT-evaluated at this center before. I didn't go in with them for that part, so I'm not sure what they did. He also saw the speech therapist today, who said she worked with him on things like chewing on a specific toy thingy and trying to blow into a recorder (hasn't done that yet). She gave me a handout on different mouth exercises to do with him (sucking through a tiny straw, blowing into an instrument, etc.).

Small breakthrough?

I listened to how the therapists speak to the kids at the center this week and tried to take some of that knowledge home with me. Twice today, Nate followed instruction that he has never followed before--bringing an object to me. Could it be because I said it in a new way? "Nate: teddy bear give Mama" and "Nate: keys give Mama" worked both times. Whenever I have said before, "Nate: give the keys to Mama. Bring Mama the keys. Take the keys here to Mama," I've been met by a blank stare. I thought he was being obstinate, but maybe, just maybe, he really didn't understand. I know there's still plenty of belligerence in that little boy of mine, but I was so pleased today to see him wanting to cooperate when he understood what it was I wanted.

From one to two

We are getting pretty close to being a family of four! My due date is two months from tomorrow.

I am nervous about having two. Although I feel like taking care of Nate at the beginning came relatively naturally to me (especially because he was an easy-going infant), I'm anxious about doing all of that and having a toddler at the same time. The sleep deprivation at night was OK with Nate, because then I could sleep during the day when he napped. Nursing was generally relaxing and easy, because it meant sitting down and being quiet with no distractions. Sticking to a schedule/routine was natural and effortless, because the only child who mattered was Nate, and he thrived on the schedule I put him on. Not so this time. Sleeping during the day won't be an option most of the time. I'm hopeful that nursing won't be a stressful time, that Nate won't be too jealous, that this baby will eat quickly (some take 45 minutes each time, some 10!). As far as routine goes, I really like and need structure, but I know I'll learn to be more flexible too (already have a little bit).

I guess I'm mostly nervous about having two because I now know how much effort, energy, and selflessness go into having just one. And now I'm about to start over again! And of course I ask the question I've heard so many parents ask: "How can I love another child as much as I love my first?" It's true. Nate is my pumpkin, my sweet boy, my laughing partner... and I don't even know the name of this next baby. At this point, I think more about how the next child will affect Nate, and not how much I'm sure we're going to love him/her and how much joy he/she will bring to our family. I'm just nervous!

So far

After three days of going to Nate's therapy, I can tell it's going to be a big adjustment! Nate and I both were tired this morning (proof of this occurred when he kept crying for no real reason), and driving home I couldn't believe I have to go back again tomorrow. It takes about a half hour to get there (a long time by So-Cal standards). The center does have therapists who do in-home therapy, and I have requested that for us, so I'm hopeful that some of the therapy can be done at our house so that I only have to drive there, say, two days a week instead of four. Logistically, it will be hard for them to schedule in-home therapy because we live so far away, but I'm praying it'll still happen.

As far as the actual therapy goes, I am pleased. I like the therapists and am excited to see the progress I know Nate will make. It will take a few weeks for Nate to get used to the therapists and the routine, but I think he will thrive. As far as I can tell, most of the parents drop their kids off or wait in the waiting room for them while the kids have their therapy, so I will probably eventually do that for at least the majority of his therapy sessions (especially after the baby is born). For this first week, though, I plan on going in with Nate and observing so that 1) he will be comfortable and 2) I can see what I can be doing at home to foster his development. (In the future, I may go observe at least part of his therapy each week so I can be involved. There is a scheduled half-hour parent meeting each week with one of the head therapists, and she fills me in on all they're doing and answers any questions I have, but I may still observe for extra benefit.) So far, the therapists are just seeing where Nate is and not doing much in-depth work from what I can tell, but they will work on getting him to communicate what he wants (more, all done, help me with this toy, I want something to eat, etc.) without prompting from an adult, developing appropriate play with toys (not lining things up, for example), imitating, eye contact--when name is called and also spontaneously for approval/interaction, socializing, identifying body parts, imitating animal noises, learning to sort by shape and size, eating more foods, self-feeding, and more.

Therapy

Nate's therapy starts today. The center called me last week to give me the schedule, and I was and am kind of disheartened by it, because they're having us come in four days per week (Monday-Thursday). It wouldn't be so bad if it were closer, but since the center is in Huntington Beach, going for just an hour of therapy will turn into a several-hour venture--four times per week. I told the lady on the phone that I was under the impression that three of the five hours of therapy were going to be at our house, and she didn't know that (there has been some miscommunication instigated, I believe, by the case worker at the state program). The lady at the center has always seemed very accommodating and is going to see if we can do the three hours of ABA at our house (they have one therapist who would be able to come that far). If that does work out, then I'd only have to take Nate to Huntington two days a week. As it is now, here's the schedule:

Mondays 3:00-4:00
Tuesdays 9:30-11:00
Wednesdays 10:00-11:00
Thursdays 9:30-11:00

That's a lot for a 21 month old. Oh, and it will be nearly impossible in April-May-June as I'll have Nate and the new baby. What I'm hoping, at least, is that Nate enjoys the therapy and thinks of it as play time; it won't be such a burden to take him if he thinks it's fun.

Quick

I'm feeling much better today... My senses of smell and taste are pretty much back, and I can hear out of one ear at least (my ears never "popped" when the plane descended on Monday night; now one ear is fine and one basically feels deaf. It's incredibly annoying). I just wanted to write a quick update and say I'll write soon about Nate's therapy--I got a call with his new schedule.

Home

I don't know how I ended up with such a great little traveler, but Nate did great again yesterday for our flights home. I was pretty miserable not being able to breathe (I caught Nate's sickness with a vengeance over the last 3 or 4 days), but I'd much rather be the one who is sick (not Nate). I'm feeling pretty terrible again today, but I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be better.

Here is Nate on a walk with Grandpa:


And playing with Mimi:


I'm 30 weeks along today! That means the baby is close to 3 pounds and over 15 inches along. He/she is still a mover and shaker, especially when I sit down or lie down. I feel huge but know I'll still get much bigger from here...

:)

Nate has made a nice recovery and was acting much more himself yesterday and today. Even better, he slept through the night last night and the night before, which makes for a much happier Mama. We're having a good time just hanging out with the family and taking it easy. I'm looking forward to being home with my husband tomorrow, though!

VA

Nate was an angel for our travel day yesterday. He was fascinated getting to see so many airplanes up close (for months, he looks for and points out every plane we see in the sky at home). We had a row of 3 seats to ourselves for the OC-Atlanta flight, so we spread out and Nate watched a few videos, ate some snacks, etc. He even clutched his blanket, sucked his pacifier, and sat still for a good half hour (he should have been napping, but sitting still and silent is nearly as good). The Atlanta-Lynchburg flight went quickly, and now we're here! Nate is definitely still sick, though. He was up several times last night and is back to being kind of cranky/fussy/sad today, with what seems like a slight fever. That just means to me that God answered the prayers of everyone who prayed that the travel day would go smoothly yesterday!

Still going

Nate is worse, not better, but we're still going to VA tomorrow. He's running a fever and has the worst cough he's ever had, but I really want to visit my family and know my mom will help me take care of Nate, sick or well. The major downside is the day of travel (including a layover). Alone. With a sick 20 month old. I'm bringing our portable DVD player (an absolute lifesaver without which I would not travel) and lots of videos, some books, snacks, and prayers. :) We'll be back Monday night.

Weekend

We had a wonderful time on the retreat. It was a low-key retreat without much planned; we all just played games, went on a nice walk, some went snowboarding (not me), ate out twice, had some times of worship, some of us girls scrapbooked, etc. The cabin we stayed in was REALLY nice (it belongs to one of the participants' uncle). It has 6 bedrooms, 4.5 baths; Jon and I had our own room and own bathroom. Two couples did have to share a room, but that's it. It was relaxing, fun, and beautiful!

We came home to a happy but sick son. :( Nate has a fever, cough, and stuffy nose. He is still acting OK, though, so it's good to know he isn't miserable. I pray that he feels much better by Thursday, though, because he and I are going to Virginia for a last-minute trip! I'm very excited.

Banana

Retreat

Jon and I are going on a marriage retreat this weekend to Big Bear with 6 or 7 other couples from church. I've really been looking forward to it! Nate will be staying at Ray and Colleen's house. This is the second time we will have left Nate with grandparents for more than a quick overnight (the retreat is 2 nights). Nate likes it so much at Ray and Colleen's house that he most likely won't notice we're gone. It's nice not to have to worry at all.

I'm looking forward to some time with friends and with my husband... without school! Since Jon started University of Phoenix a few months ago, he has been so busy with it. I am so proud of him for doing so well--working a more-than-full-time job, taking care of a wife and son, and getting great grades in full-time college classes! But doing all of that means that he gets home from work every day, eats dinner with me, and goes right to work on school work. He's usually still working when I go to bed. Weekends aren't much better, since his classes have work due usually on Fridays and Sundays. Anyway, he's trying to have his work done for the weekend so we can have a true retreat. I can hardly wait!

Better

Today was the first day in nearly a week that Nate slept until later than 6:00 a.m. Who knew I would ever rejoice to get to "sleep in" until 7:00?

Night before last, I had a vivid dream that I had our baby, and it was a boy--but we still hadn't picked out even one boy name we liked, so the baby went nameless for a few days. In the dream, I ended up calling him Eli, but I think that's because my friend Ricci's 4-month-old son is named Eli (Elijah).

Audiology appointment

I'm no longer sure Nate is sick. I think he just might be having some monster-strength teething. He woke up a little after 4:00 today and was up for good at 5:00 (in a good mood at least). What happened to last week, when he slept in until 8:00 every day?

Nate and I got back from his audiology appointment a few minutes ago. It went well, and he has normal hearing. Nate sat in my lap in a chair in a small room with a window (how's that for 4 prepositional phrases in a row?). Anyone who knows Nate knows that keeping him in a sitting position, especially in my lap, is a feat in and of itself! I lured him with Honey Nut Cheerios. Anyway, in the room there are two speakers, one on the left and one on the right. The doctor turned on various noises (quiet static, different pitches of a whistling noise, etc.) in one speaker or the other and observed to see if Nate would look toward them. If he did, a toy just below the speaker would light up and play. The doctor also spoke through a microphone a few times in the left or right speaker. Nate seemed to respond to most all the cues if he wasn't trying to get out of my lap. He did well. So no surprises today!

Changing plans

Nate woke up this morning with a cold. Bleh! If he's sick, it changes most of this week's plans--at least any plans that involve someone else watching Nate. I was going to go in for my glucose test (a pregnancy screening to see if I have gestational diabetes) on Wednesday and have my neighbor watch Nate, but she has a 9-month-old daughter. I have really been looking forward to getting my hair cut on Thursday, and Casey is supposed to watch Nate, but she has 4-month-old Bennett. I just remember not wanting to watch someone else's sick child when Nate was really little (heck, I still feel that way now). And unless Jon can get home early on Wednesday, I will probably have to stay home from AWANA because I shouldn't put Nate in the nursery. Nate has his audiology appointment tomorrow, which I will still take him to. I hate when Nate is sick!

Progress

Jon and I have really been encouraged in the past 6 weeks or so with Nate's development. It's like having the evaluation at the end of November spurred something in him! He has become much more interactive with others, especially other children; he started doing the sign for "more"; he learned all 9 of the shapes in a puzzle he got for Christmas (I ask, "Where is the [trapezoid, circle, triangle, pentagon, etc.]?" and he picks up the correct shape); he points to objects in books when asked where they are; he now pays attention much more often when his name is called; he seems to understand even more of what I say to him. It is a bit of a relief. Several people who know what they're talking about (educators, etc.) have also known that the word "autism" has floated around in reference to Nate, but they have commented to me that he does not fit the picture of the other kids they've seen with autism, even high functioning autism. That is promising. We still aren't sure if we'll take him to the pediatric neurologist, but at this point I'm leaning toward no.

Promised pics

Here is Nate in his new car (and the first picture has the back/side of our house in the background). :)

Car

Jon did get a car on Saturday! It's our first car purchase together, since we have had the Sentra and Tiburon since before we got married. Jon traded in the Tiburon, so now he'll drive the Sentra and I'll drive our new (well, new to us) 2006 Dodge Durango. It only had 12,000 miles on it. I'm super excited!--especially now that we don't have to worry about fitting car seats and passengers into our vehicle. :)